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Title:Joy Benchmarks

Description:Joy Benchmarks skip to main | skip to sidebar Joy Benchmarks "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." -- Kahlil Gibran Home Bio About Joy Benchmarks The Universit

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Joy Benchmarks skip to main | skip to sidebar Joy Benchmarks "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." -- Kahlil Gibran Home Bio About Joy Benchmarks The University of Catastrophe: Orientation Freshman Sophomore Junior Senior Post-Graduate Books Free Etude Contact Monday, December 19, 2016 Live to the point of tears I took a year off from blogging. I needed a year to regroup and refresh. I needed a year to recover from loss. I needed a year to bond with my poodle puppy, Noelle and focus my attention on life, and music and love. It's been a crazy year. A few days after I wrote my last blog post, my daughter's cat Cyclone had a massive lump growing on his paw pad. We thought it was an abscess and treated it with antibiotics. The lump kept growing. They thought it might be pillow foot, and we put him on different medications. Nothing worked. On December 23, we got the call about Cyclone's biopsy. Cyclone had cancer. My daughter was devastated. Our whole family cried. He was only five. Cyclone is my daughter's first pet, the first cat she chose for herself and now... What do we do? Do we put a five-year-old cat to sleep? Or do we have his leg amputated? We decided to have his leg amputated. On December 27, Cyclone had surgery to remove his leg. On December 28, while Cyclone was recovering from surgery, our diabetic dog, April had a massive seizure from low blood sugar. She seized for over an hour. I rubbed glucose on her gums. I held her and waited for her recover. Finally she stopped seizing, but everything that made April April was gone. The next day, December 30, we had April put to sleep. She was two months shy of turning 13. So, I had a brand new puppy to bond with. My daughter was stressed over her cat. My husband was crushed by the loss of his dog. My heart was torn in so many different directions. My husband's heart emptied and he was lost. What do we do? How do we move forward? My daughter got her cat back from the vet. He needed extreme care for the first month. Round the clock medications to prevent shock from the pain. But, Cyclone rallied. He took off running the day we brought him home from the vet. Loping around the house on three legs until we cornered him and forced him to rest. The narcotics he was taking kept Cyclone super happy. He was high and purring all the time. Meanwhile, my husband was falling apart. Again my heart was split in so many directions. Noelle was growing little by little. But, every time my husband saw her, he burst into tears. There was only one answer. My husband needed a puppy. One thing we learned while April was having her last seizure is neither of us is strong enough to lift a 70 pound dog to the car. We needed a smaller dog. Noelle was going to be a smaller dog, anyway. We settled on a Boston Terrier. Francis came home on January 9. Francis was born October 30. Noelle was born October 31. Two puppies exactly the same age turned our grief and mourning into hilarity, chaos, and joy. It's been quite a year. I've spent this past year living at the point of tears, and it's been amazing. One year ago today, Noelle came home and brought my life out of darkness. It is good to be living in the light again. Sometimes words fail to express how I feel inside. That's why I am so grateful for music. My two friends, Hannah Alkire and Joe Scott of Acoustic Eidolon wrote and performed this piece of music that says it all. I'm grateful they gave me permission to share their music with all of you. Posted by Marie Smith at 1:49 PM 0 comments Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Wednesday, December 23, 2015 After Darkness There is Light My blog has been on hiatus since my service dog, Honey died. My entire life has been on hiatus. Matchbox Twenty has a song called, Unwell. The chorus is: But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be, me Read more: Matchbox 20 - Unwell Lyrics | MetroLyrics I've been unwell since Honey died on July 22. The pause button in my life was set, and I didn't know how to restart. I cried daily, sometimes dozens of times. It's been lonely and empty. I was in a hole. It's hard being in a hole. You can see the light shining down, but it's so far away it doesn't even cast shadows. I withdrew from everything because I didn't need anyone helpfully telling me, "Get over it. Honey was just a dog." Honey was my hands. Honey was my arms. Honey unloaded the clothes dryer. She picked up the same dollar off the floor 15 times in a row and never, ever, said, "What is the matter with you. Hang on to it this time." On the day she died, I dropped my glucose meter on the floor. Gasping for air, she stood up, grabbed my meter and put it in my hands. I was going to get it, but Honey got there first and helped me like always. I burst into tears. Such a good dog. Dogs don't judge. They don't look at someone with a disability and see disability first. They see their friend first. Honey and I formed a bond that can only be described as telepathic. She knew what I needed, and did it before I asked. Honey alerted to myasthenia gravis leg muscle weakness. Before Honey, I used to fall. I was in my head all the time, and didn't notice my legs getting tired, until it was too late. As a puppy, Honey dragged me to a park bench and put her paws on my legs. She forced me to sit. Then she curled up by my feet. I was annoyed, so I stood up. Honey jumped up and pushed me down. Three times in a row, she forced me to sit. The third time, I cued into how tired my legs were. I needed a rest, and Honey knew it before I did. When MG blurred my sight, Honey was my eyes. I mistook a moving car for a parked car and stepped into the street. Honey jumped in front of me and would not let me go. Honey saved my life. Our bond meant so much to me. When she died, I fell apart. I didn't need anyone telling me, "She's just a dog." She was my closest friend. Losing her broke my mainspring. It's been nighttime inside since July. I couldn't face the holiday season with my heart trapped in darkness. Solstice, Yule, Hanukkah, HumanLight, Christmas, Chalica, Kwanza. This time of year celebrates light. I needed light back in my world. I needed a puppy. In Honey's first training class, there was a poodle named Pearl who was also a service dog in training. Pearl stole my heart. She was a beautiful dog with a sunny temperament. I decided that my next service dog would be a poodle. I carefully researched poodle breeders and found one who has placed puppies with a service dog organization. He health tests his dogs and breeds ethically. Since I am looking for a new service dog in training, this breeder felt like a good fit. On Saturday, I drove five hours to the breeder's house. I sat down on h...

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